Quondam Dreams

Friday, September 01, 2006


Scene from a Starbucks:

There is a really bad first date ending at the next table.

"It was nice meeting you," she said a minute ago. "But..."

"Sometimes people just aren't compatible," he said with authority.

"I'm sorry I'm so tired. I'm totally crashing."

"It's that apple cider," he said, not joking. "The sugar will make you crash." And he went on about that for a good ten minutes before she could extricate herself.

She will call a friend on her way home. "He seemed okay at first," she will say, "but he wouldn't stop talking! And when I could get a word in edgewise, he had to pass judgment on it."

"I don't understand why she didn't call me," he will say to a friend in a couple of days. "We talked and talked, and I tried to show that I was interested in what she said.

"He was definitely older and fatter than his profile," she will say.

"She was hot! I didn't just come out and say that though. I said I liked that she was girly," he will say. "That's okay, right?"

"I never knew one cup of coffee could take so long," she will say.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told her how I get so crazy when I drink, but that I do like the taste of beer," he will say.

"So finally I got to talk, and he kept going 'uh-huh, uh-huh,' but the whole time he was just looking for a way to get back to talking about himself," she will say.

"Maybe she just got busy," he will say. "She said she goes out with her friends a lot. Like, all the time."

"Screw JDate," she will say to her friend. "Let's go get a drink." And they will. And she will have a fabulous time.

"I don't know why these dates never work out," he will say. "Guess it's time to tweak my profile again. Think I should say I'm a few years younger? Why are you laughing?"


  • Ha,ha. This just proves my "No Coffee Dates" theory. Coffee Dates can last painfully longer than necessary. I recommend Dinner. Dinner has a beginning, middle & end. Additionally, you are at least fed afterwards. The "it's getting late" excuse can easily be inserted at the end to avoid the dreaded coffee/desert/nightcap maneuver.

    By Anonymous miamihurricanes2002, at October 16, 2006 at 1:27 PM  

  • Having recently been on an actual internet date or two - oh, my god - this is so funny...

    By Blogger EditThis, at November 1, 2006 at 3:44 PM  

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