Approaching The Halfway Point

We're just about halfway through 2009, and I can't help but notice that a lot of us are having truly craptastic years. Unemployment, deaths, illness, pestilence... just a whole lot of no fun.

So if you're reading this, 2009, please tell me what we did to you to make you so mad at us. I can't promise that we'll stop doing whatever it is, but it would be nice to have an explanation for all the suck.

Elsewhere

Yeah, I know. I've been slacking on posting to this blog lately. I've been pouring much of my blogging time into yet another one that I hope to launch soon, and the rest into Rose Knows. (I'm always fielding questions and taking requests; whether I answer them is less of a certainty.)

If you need more Rose pithiness in your life (I can't imagine why you would, but that's your business), I'm @roseknows over on Twitter. Look for the purple Devil Duckie.

A Note To Recruiters, Re: Taking You Seriously

Hi, recruiters. I know it's been a while since I've written to you, but I've been busy not working.

Now, I know it's not your fault that the job market's slow, even for eminently employable people like me. I know it's slow because lately, I've been getting pitches for the same position from two or three recruiters. I've found that I have more success by having one person push for me than by allowing my potential employer be spammed with my resume. (And by "success," I mean, "ever hearing from someone about this position again". Lowered expectations, I have them.)

So what might make me go with one recruiter over another? Here are some sure-fire ways to make sure you're not the one who could potentially get a commission off me:

Use of "LOL" in email. Just don't. Ever. Especially in a business email. If we've been working together for a while, I'll let a well-placed :) slide, but "LOL"? Save it for IMs to your friend from college.

Hotmail email address. Ideally, you should have an email account from whatever company you're representing. If you're freelancing, then you really should take the time to register a domain name. But if for some reason you really do need to use a free account, then use Gmail. You can do much more with it than you can with other free services, and it doesn't put ads on your messages. (Jury's still out on Yahoo addresses. My current thinking is that they're fine for the job seeker, but I'd rather see a recruiter that's researched which service will give them the most bang for their non-existent bucks.)

Unintelligible voice mails. No-brainer, right? You'd be surprised.

Unidentifiable area code. I debated whether to include this one. I'm big on telecommuting, because it's better for the environment and because I can wear shorts if I feel like it. But the fact is, I'm going to give more weight to someone with a local or easy-to-pinpoint area code. A local number is an indication that you know the market; an out-of-area, but well-established, area code means that you're more likely to be working with an experienced recruiting agency. It could also mean that you're in the middle of Iowa and are savvy enough to get yourself cell phone with a Los Angeles area code, but at least you've put some thought into it.

Obliviousness to geography. Used to be, I only had to contend with recruiters who didn't understand that from my residence, a ten-mile commute east can easily take three times as long as a commute north. Now I'm contending with recruiters who are trying to sell me on "local candidate only" jobs that are 600 miles away. When I get multiple pitches like this, they're usually from different people at the same company. That company goes to the bottom of my priority list. A group of people who don't talk to each other, and make the same stupid mistake? Next.

I want to work with you, dear recruiter. But let's not waste each others' time, 'kay? 'Kay.

My Romantic Life In 13 Words

"I'm not that guy," he said, and then proceeded to be that guy.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

(Okay, 16 words. Whatever.)

(If you're reading this, don't worry. You're not any of them.)

2009 Magic 8-Ball Oscar Picks, Sort Of: Now With Backup!

First, the picks. Then, the methodology:

PICTURE: Milk
DIRECTOR: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
ACTOR: Sean Penn, Milk
ACTRESS: Meryl Streep, Doubt
SUPPORTING ACTOR: Josh Brolin, Milk
SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Frozen River
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Wall-E
ANIMATED FILM: Wall-E
ART DIRECTION: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
CINEMATOGRAPHY: The Reader
COSTUME DESIGN: Australia
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Encounters at the End of the World
DOCUMENTARY SHORT: The Final Inch
FILM EDITING: The Dark Knight
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: The Class (France)
MAKEUP: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
ORIGINAL SCORE: Wall-E
ORIGINAL SONG: "Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire
ANIMATED SHORT: Oktapodi
LIVE-ACTION SHORT: The Pig
SOUND EDITING: Slumdog Millionaire
SOUND MIXING: Wanted
VISUAL EFFECTS: The Dark Knight


So sue me: When packing for my current convalescence, I forgot to bring my Magic 8-Ball. When I realized this, I seriously considered forgoing the picks this year. I mean, does anyone really win pools with them? Since it's the same voters every year, we all know how to pick the acting winners: Top priority in each category goes to portrayers of real people, the more recent the better. Supporting Actor is the lifetime achievement award. The only thing that can stop the giver of a true breakout performance from winning Supporting Actress is a nominee from a Woody Allen movie. And when in doubt on Best Picture, count the technical nominees.

Yeah, so we all know that. But when it comes to the technical categories, you need an oracle. And that's usually my Magic 8-Ball. Which could be a problem.

Fortunately, I have way too much time on my hands. So I pulled apart an old project and concocted the Quick 'n' Dirty Magic 8-Ball. That still seemed too impersonal, so I decided to go old-school and pull dominoes from a bag. (No, seriously, it is too old-school. What was frequently used to cast lots back in the day? Bones. What do people often call dominoes? Bones. Therefore, domino-pulling is the modern equivalent of casting lots, and if that's good enough for that "God" person the winners keep thanking, then it's good enough for us.)

For the most part, the dominoes backed up the 8-Ball. Here's where it didn't:

ACTRESS: Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Reader
ART DIRECTION: The Dark Knight (with Changeling and Revolutionary Road right behind)
COSTUME DESIGN: The Duchess
MAKEUP: The Dark Knight
ORIGINAL SONG: "O Saya" from Slumdog Millionaire
LIVE ACTION SHORT: Toss-up between Manon on the Asphalt and Spielzeugland
SOUND EDITING: The Dark Knight
SOUND MIXING: Slumdog Millionaire

And there you go. Choose your oracle and take your chances. If you win anything, just remember who consults 'em for you.

A Note To Barack Obama, Not That He's Answered Any Of My Others

Dear Barack,

Please don't blow this.

Thanks,
r.

P.S.: I know that you have millions of people asking you to put their issues first, but if you could get hopping on the job and health care stuff, I'd personally appreciate it. I'll totally send you a cookie when I can afford to.

A Note To Certain Internet Users, Re: Opinions

Dear message board users, email list posters and blog commenters,

I've noticed that more and more of you are ending your missives with "Just my opinion".

Why?

First of all, if you're posting something that's not a direct quote, it's a safe assumption that it's your opinion. No need to clarify. Save the keystrokes. Consider using the resulting ten seconds to head over to FreeRice.com and directing a few grains of rice to the UN World Food Fund. It'll make you feel good and smart, if not a little hungry.

Perhaps more importantly, it's not "just" your opinion. It's your opinion, and just as valid as anyone else's. Own it! Claim it! Defend it! Put it on a t-shirt and sell it! You're adding to the global human discourse, for heaven's sake. Type with pride and confidence! (Though perhaps not so much confidence that you damage the keyboard. That wouldn't be good for anyone.)

Now, sit down and be counted.

r.