2009 Magic 8-Ball Oscar Picks, Sort Of: Now With Backup!

First, the picks. Then, the methodology:

PICTURE: Milk
DIRECTOR: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
ACTOR: Sean Penn, Milk
ACTRESS: Meryl Streep, Doubt
SUPPORTING ACTOR: Josh Brolin, Milk
SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Frozen River
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Wall-E
ANIMATED FILM: Wall-E
ART DIRECTION: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
CINEMATOGRAPHY: The Reader
COSTUME DESIGN: Australia
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Encounters at the End of the World
DOCUMENTARY SHORT: The Final Inch
FILM EDITING: The Dark Knight
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: The Class (France)
MAKEUP: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
ORIGINAL SCORE: Wall-E
ORIGINAL SONG: "Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire
ANIMATED SHORT: Oktapodi
LIVE-ACTION SHORT: The Pig
SOUND EDITING: Slumdog Millionaire
SOUND MIXING: Wanted
VISUAL EFFECTS: The Dark Knight


So sue me: When packing for my current convalescence, I forgot to bring my Magic 8-Ball. When I realized this, I seriously considered forgoing the picks this year. I mean, does anyone really win pools with them? Since it's the same voters every year, we all know how to pick the acting winners: Top priority in each category goes to portrayers of real people, the more recent the better. Supporting Actor is the lifetime achievement award. The only thing that can stop the giver of a true breakout performance from winning Supporting Actress is a nominee from a Woody Allen movie. And when in doubt on Best Picture, count the technical nominees.

Yeah, so we all know that. But when it comes to the technical categories, you need an oracle. And that's usually my Magic 8-Ball. Which could be a problem.

Fortunately, I have way too much time on my hands. So I pulled apart an old project and concocted the Quick 'n' Dirty Magic 8-Ball. That still seemed too impersonal, so I decided to go old-school and pull dominoes from a bag. (No, seriously, it is too old-school. What was frequently used to cast lots back in the day? Bones. What do people often call dominoes? Bones. Therefore, domino-pulling is the modern equivalent of casting lots, and if that's good enough for that "God" person the winners keep thanking, then it's good enough for us.)

For the most part, the dominoes backed up the 8-Ball. Here's where it didn't:

ACTRESS: Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Reader
ART DIRECTION: The Dark Knight (with Changeling and Revolutionary Road right behind)
COSTUME DESIGN: The Duchess
MAKEUP: The Dark Knight
ORIGINAL SONG: "O Saya" from Slumdog Millionaire
LIVE ACTION SHORT: Toss-up between Manon on the Asphalt and Spielzeugland
SOUND EDITING: The Dark Knight
SOUND MIXING: Slumdog Millionaire

And there you go. Choose your oracle and take your chances. If you win anything, just remember who consults 'em for you.