Think Of The Children

Back in the days of the second Clinton administration, our self-appointed moral guardians' refrain was, "What do we tell the children?"

The President was having an affair. "What do we tell the children?"

The President was engaging in adult activities. "What do we tell the children?"

The President was lying under oath. Oh, sure, he fessed up when he had to, and made his apologies exactly like one should do -- but, still: "What do we tell the children?"

It was, of course, not acceptable to suggest that the parents not allow their children to watch the evening news. From the sounds of it, the news was mandatory viewing, to be followed by a long discussion of everything covered in the broadcast.

Fast-forward to the second George W. Bush administration. Over the past couple of weeks, the President has:

• Imbibed on German television -- which wouldn't be such a big deal if he didn't make such a big deal about having given up drinking all on his own, and if he hadn't in fact shown every indication of showing up for work drunk for days.
  
• Sworn live on the very public networks he's so intent on sanitizing. Whether NPR will get dinged by the FCC is still up in the air.
  
• Given an unsolicited shoulder rub to German leader Angela Merkel, who seemed appropriately exasperated.
  
• In one particularly bizarre lunch meeting, displayed stoned-type wonderment at the size of the world, pigeonholed Tony "Yo, Blair" Blair into a discussion of sweaters and Condi, and -- cover the children's ears -- spoke with his mouth full. (Here's an article with links to various transcripts.)
  

Yes, in the case of that last one, it could be argued that the President didn't realize that the microphone was hot, that he thought he was speaking off the record. Sorry, self-appointed moral guardians: Clinton thought he was acting privately, too.

So, I'm wondering: What are our self-appointed moral guardians telling the children about the President's recent behavior? And are they finding ways to blame it on a Clinton?

In re: Kenneth Lay, Or: Finally, a chance to use se non e vero, e ben trovato

I'm not going to believe that Kenneth Lay is dead until I see the body and some DNA confirmation.

A guy with that much money, facing serious prison time and apparently sociopathically lacking in any sense of responsibility, would have the means and motivation to fake his death. It would have been much easier to disappear from Aspen, CO than Houston, TX, where he would have been watched more closely.

I know that I'm not the only person who doubts that he's shuffled off this mortal coil. I'm just kind of suprised to find myself thinking of it that way.

I'm a big fan of Occam's razor, because in most situations a simple explanation is just a whole lot more plausible than an elaborate conspiracy theory. Still, Occam's razor allows for the possibility that a more convoluted explanation is the correct one, because sometimes the world is just that weird.

Maybe Kenny Boy really did just drop dead of a massive heart attack. But given the people and circumstances involved, I think it's at least as likely that he's already started a new life as a beach bum in Rio. We'll know for sure if, after his criminal convictions are overturned -- as they probably will be, based on Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals precedent in re: abatement -- Lay comes skipping back into Texas cackling about double jeopardy. It wouldn't get him out of any civil judgments against his estate, but given the size of the guy's ego I don't think he'd care. What's a little cash to a few people when he can put one over on the whole country?

Se non e vero, e ben trovato. Try that with Occam's razor.

Sweet Turnabout At The Aero

With the program a 70MM double feature of Total Recall and Terminator 2, it was not a big surprise that there were far more men than women at the Aero last night.

Still, it was awfully sweet to see men have to wait in long restroom lines while we women waltzed in and out of the ladies' room, pausing only to comment on the novelty of the situation.

While I was happy to be there with my friend Rachel, I told her that I kind of wished that we'd brought a guy -- just so I could greet his return to our seats with, "What took you so long?"